Thursday, November 6, 2014

FSF Challenge - Envy

Lillie McFerrin Writes
This week's writing challenge from
Five Sentence Fiction
Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt:


What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week Lillie posts one word for inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word.

The dark innocence of a child...

The Color of Resentment
    Tabitha tugged at her mother's dress and said, "I wish I had a pretty pin to wear like Sarah, but I never get anything nice like she has."
    "Hush, child, and try not to draw attention to yourself."
    She gazed at the golden star on Sarah's coat, barely able to control the urge to steal it for herself.

    As Tabitha's mother pulled her into the shadows, she glanced back and pouted, "Sarah must think she's so special. She even gets to ride the train for free."

© 2012-2014 K. R. Smith All rights reserved


  1. Comparision leads to envy.
    Looks like a real story. Nicely narrated.

    1. Thanks!

      I see you wrote a poem for yours. Always good to have another poet participating in FSF.

    2. Thanks a lot for visiting & sharing your words,
      I have a lot to learn!
      Yet to identify Limericks.
      Tried the same rhyming scheme in my poem to adhere to FSF 😊

  2. This is brilliant - the gold star, the free train ride - enviable things to a child... but throw a bit of context in... horrifying.


    1. Thank you so much for you comments and compliments!

      Context is everything in this story.

  3. A very emotive piece, captured through a child's innocent eyes, consumed with what she wants but not knowing the horrors surrounding her. Brilliantly done. x

    1. Thanks! I wanted to come up with an idea where the main character was envious of someone else not knowing that she was really the fortunate one.

  4. I think this is so real it is good fiction

    1. This is the most unique comment I've ever received! Thank you!

  5. Seeing very familiar events through new eyes - in this case a child's - dusts them off and makes them powerful again.
    I felt so sad for both Sarah and Tabitha in this story.
    Well done, K.

    1. Thank you! Sadly, the world seems to provide far too many opportunities to write stories like this.


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