Saturday, December 13, 2014

Men Do Stupid Things: A Rebuttal

For the most part, I limit this blog to subjects involved in my writing. Occasionally, however, I see something that requires a response. This is one of those times...

The other day I saw news article on the Internet—and I use the word 'news' with a grain of salt—about how men are idiots and they do stupid things. It went on to give statistics and examples—you know, that scientific crap that nobody really believes—to support their case.

I beg to differ.

Let's take the examples they provided:

1. James Burns of Michigan, who died while attempting to repair his truck from underneath while it was still in motion
Rebuttal: This is not stupid. This is a challenge. Imagine how much time you would save if you could change oil or replace a muffler while on your way to work in the morning. Yeah, I know, you say it isn't possible. But they used to say that about flying and whether Boston could ever win a World Series again. Take Citroen cars (please). They can drive down the road on three wheels. In theory, you should be able to change a flat tire without ever stopping. It might get a little dicey if you had to go through a toll booth, so you'll want to keep off the interstate. And just because this one particular guy died doesn't mean you should stop trying. How many others have done the same thing and lived? You never hear about those folks, do you?

2. Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who won a "contest of masculinity," trumping his friends - who had stripped naked and were hitting each other over the head with frozen turnips - by cutting off his own head with a chainsaw
Rebuttal: Okay, this is just out-and-out cheating. I've read the official rules on naked turnip thumping, and chainsaws are specifically prohibited. More than likely he'll never be allowed to participate again. I must admit, however, I can understand the temptation to side-step the rules. Mix a bunch of Polish guys together with a few too many turnips, and the competitive urge to win can be overwhelming. 

3. A terrorist who posted a letter bomb with insufficient postage and, upon its return, unthinkingly opened his own letter
Rebuttal: Now this was the Post Office's fault, plain and simple. One little "Postage Due" stamp was all that would be required to make everybody happy here, but that was just too much trouble, wasn't it? Unfortunately, this is just the sort of incident that gives a black eye to all the good postal workers out there.

I offer to you that men aren't stupid. We're just really, really curious. We want to know how far that nail gun will shoot. And how far away you can be and still have the nails penetrate flesh. Or how many beers can I have and still do a "wheelie" all the way across the cow pasture on my motorcycle? (And, no, I wasn't worried that the bike would get away from me and hurt someone else. There was plenty of barbed wire around the field to stop me.)

Anyway, we're constantly seeking out this knowledge for everyone's benefit. It's just not always obvious that this is what we're doing. You never know when that one tiny morsel of wisdom could make all the difference. And that's why we do what we do.

Thank you for listening to my rebuttal.

© 2012-2014 K. R. Smith All rights reserved


  1. I watched Home Improvement growing up, so I agree. Men are curious and they want to make the world a better place. :)


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