Saturday, June 15, 2013

FSF Challenge - Home



Lillie McFerrin Writes
This week's writing challenge from
Five Sentence Fiction
Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt:

 Home





Traces




Image "Worker Of Road Construction Drilling Cement Ground" courtesy of khunaspix at www.freedigitalphotos.net



"You have that old sidewalk busted out yet?"

"No, I have to get the masonry saw," he replied to his supervisor who seemed confused that the jackhammer he was using wouldn't suffice.

As he was about to sink his bit into the concrete, Steve had found the initials "M. E. D." and two small hand-prints impressed in the last slab leading from the dilapidated house.  He wondered about them as the owner, an old woman who recently passed away, had lived alone all her life. Then, barely visible on the rusted mailbox, he noticed a name, Mary E. Delaney, and these last traces of her life, for so long a part of of her home, were about to be destroyed; he was going to cut them out and give them a new one.



Image "Worker Of Road Construction Drilling Cement Ground" courtesy of khunaspix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


© 2012-2013 K. R. Smith All rights reserved

12 comments:

  1. I loved this! I would hope any construction worker finding such a memory for another would help to preserve it. Alas, not always the case. Nice write!

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    1. There's seldom time to do things like this when you're on a job site. Having worked on a survey crew in my younger days, I remember exploring abandonded houses and barns, and seeing those little traces of other people's lives. It was a good experience - well, it was when you weren't freezing to death, sweating to death, being stung by bees, or trying to avoid snakes, angry farmers, or speeding drivers. But I made $7000 a year!

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  2. BAM!! A lot of emotional impact in an unemotional setting. Well done!

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    1. I've never gotten a "BAM" before - at least not as a compliment. Thanks!

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  3. Nice. I like reading your snippets. This has a great unending...

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    1. Thanks, Bethanne!

      I now have a new word to add to my lexicon - "unending!"

      Even though I'd prefer to have a truly complete story, a lot of these Five Sentence Fiction posts end up being a scene that could be part of a larger tale. This one, in fact, has got me thinking about a longer story. Have to add that to the list!

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  4. This is great. Unexpected emotion and sensitivity. I love this.

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    1. "Well, that's just the way us men are," he said, pausing from sharpening his knife to squash a bug, kick the dog, and yell at his wife.

      Seriously, however, there seem to be more women doing these challenges than men, I get better and more consistent feedback from these types of stories than my usual dark horror stuff. At least that's my theory.

      In any case, I appreciate everyone taking their time to read these little stories and giving their opinion, good or bad.

      Thanks!

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  5. I never really thought about cement hand prints left behind. We not only have hand prints we also have paw prints. Brings on a whole slew of thoughts for my mind to tumble about. Great idea and I love the compassion of the construction worker.

    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. Well, if you ever move, you might be doing a lot of cutting!

      I'm glad you liked it!

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  6. This has such a lovely and powerful sentiment. Steve's feeling and determination to preserve what's left of Mary really came across.

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    1. Thanks! It's hard to explain why people do such things, and yet deep inside we somehow understand.

      Sorry it took so long to reply... It's been a busy time for me.

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