Thursday, June 20, 2013

FSF Challenge - Blades



Lillie McFerrin Writes
This week's writing challenge from
Five Sentence Fiction
( Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt:

Blades



Sometimes kids find other things more interesting than their toys...





Spinning Blades




Image "Lawn Mower And Green Grass" courtesy of foto76 at www.freedigitalphotos.net



It couldn't have been more than a minute since she'd gone into the kitchen to answer the phone, but Alex was nowhere in sight. The swings were motionless, the soccer ball still, his tricycle in the same spot on the patio it had been before, and not a whisper of his voice disturbed the silence. "He's not even four years old," echoed through her mind as she ran to the garage, the covered porch in front of the house, and then to the street to find neither Alex nor any sign her child still existed in this world. Turning to look across the yard, she spied his unmoving legs just visible from behind the trunk of an old maple where the lawnmower was sheltered, and forced herself to walk toward them, her eyes not wanting to see but unable to close. There, lying beneath the huge tree, Alex quietly waited as each breeze released a flurry of ripened seeds, smiling as their curved blades took flight, slowly spinning the primeval helicopters to a peaceful landing within his outstretched hand.



An additional links of interest: 

   "Maple Seed" Helicopters

   Image "Lawn Mower And Green Grass" courtesy of foto76 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net



© 2012-2013 K. R. Smith All rights reserved

16 comments:

  1. Great false scare...loved the ending and wonderful write!

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    1. Thanks! I did modify the post after your comment to eliminate the use of the word "voice" in the third sentence since I had already used if in the second. I don't like to repeat the more important words so close together unless it's for a special effect. I wanted to bring some contrast to the scene and try to make it a complete story - and find some way to work in the maple seeds...

      I'm glad you liked it!

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  2. Lot's of emotion here and then the happy ending --a superb five sentence plot.

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    1. Thanks! I used to play with those maple seeds as a child, and when I saw the prompt, that came to mind before anything else. But I did have a hard time getting it all into five sentences without "cheating" and putting in a bunch of semicolons and dashes. I almost had to start "K R's Six-Sentence Fiction Challenge."

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  3. Excellent, K.R. You succeeded in drawing me in to the worst possible scenario. And then that moment of relief. I'll have to remember to take motion sickness meds when I visit here next time. ;)

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    1. Thanks! The prompt by itself tends to set a dark tone for many, so even before the story begins some people will have that in their minds. Just to let you know, even though horror is the genre I usually write in, I don't think I could ever write a story about little kids getting hurt like that. I was once one myself - long, long ago.

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  4. Well done! You had me from start to finish! Whew!

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    1. That whole "blades" thing does set the mood for some rather scary stuff, but you know I'd never let the kid get hurt!

      I'm glad you liked it!

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  5. Like Jayne, I was right there, with my heart in my mouth...then the blades became innocuous and I breathed a sigh of relief! Loved playing with Sycamore helicopters as a kid...and even now, as an adult :)

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    1. Now here's where these blogs get interesting...

      When you said "sycamore," I did a "What?"

      In the U.S., the common sycamore (Platanus occidentalis) doesn't have winged seeds. The seeds are tiny little things inside a round ball-shaped growth (technically an achene, but as kids we called them monkey balls - don't ask).

      In Britain and Ireland, the sycamore (Acer pseudoplatanus) does have winged seeds because it is in the maple family (note the genus Acer).

      If I write a story taking place over there this might come in handy! And being a life member of the American Forestry Association (not as big of a deal as it sounds), I should know about these things.

      Anyway, I have been enlightened!

      And, as always, thanks for reading and commenting!

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  6. Phew! That was a scary, all too real read. I really felt her emotions from the fear to the relief as he was innocently spinning his helicopters which was awesome fun when I was little. (Unlike Lisa, I didn't know what tree they came from but interesting convo above). xx

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    1. I had to do a little research on the tree names as I didn't know the same name was for different trees in different places. I'm still learning!

      When I saw the prompt, I wanted to do something with the maple seeds, but I had to come up with a situation that had drama. I'm glad you liked it!

      P.S. I still giggle when I read "Lizzie Loodles."

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  7. What a great treat! I remember those helicopter seedlings and how much fun we had with them as kids. Great story, I was holding my breath and waiting for a horrible ending. Nice surprise.

    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. Thanks! It seems a lot of kids played with these natural toys. I brought home a whole lunch pail full of them on time. My mother found out when she went to put my lunch in it the next morning. She didn't think it was as much fun as I did.

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  8. Great build up of tension. Thank you for the delightful ending.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! This story got a lot of comments so I guess most folks could relate to playing with those helicopter seeds!

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