Thursday, April 4, 2013

FSF Challenge - Words



This week's writing challenge from Five Sentence Fiction ( Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt "words."



The Word


Image "Unhappy Young Woman" courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at www.freedigitalphotos.net
  

All he could feel was a cold emptiness when she said the word. It was simple enough, probably spoken a million times that day by people of all callings, of all ages, all over the world in countless languages to someone they knew and with little thought to its implications. It was just "goodbye." Not something one should get upset about. It wasn't the word that eviscerated his soul, however, but knowing he'd never hear her say it again.



Image "Unhappy Young Woman" courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


© 2012-2013 K. R. Smith All rights reserved

21 comments:

  1. Bittersweet but beautifully written.

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    1. Thanks! I've noticed I tend to do stories that have that bittersweet feeling to them. I'm not sure why, but I'm glad you liked it!

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  2. Oh, I like this a LOT. His sadness, regret, sense of loss are so palpable. Excellent illustration of how the simplest things can be so monumental depending on one's point of view.

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    1. Thanks! It really means a lot to me when people take the time to read and comment. I've red some of the other FSF posts and have been envious of how some writers can do so much with a short entry. I hope I've captured some of that here.

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    1. Thanks! This may be the first entry anyone has called brilliant. I don't know if it is, but I appreciate the thought!

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  4. My favorite entry so far! Lovely flow and balance as you lead us to the heartache.

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    1. My favorite entry so far!

      Even if I'm the first one you've read, thanks!

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  5. Something so simple, yet so devastating...depending on context, lovely!

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    1. Thanks! I was trying for something simple - I think the emotions do come through better when it's done that way. I would image anyone that has been through this would understand, and I hope they don't have to experience it in real life too often.

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  6. So sad. So bittersweet.
    So well done.

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    1. Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm not sure if you've read any of my other FSF posts, but it's always good to see new readers stop by.

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  7. I love the flow of the piece and the hints of sadness and regret . . I hate the word 'goodbye'as it seems so final and you have captured that here brilliantly. x

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    1. It does have that feeling, doesn't it? When it's used like in the story, It's a one-word oxymoron - there's nothing good in it.

      As always, thanks for the comment!

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  8. Love the simple idea of "good-bye" Heart wrenching you can feel the sadness and emptiness of her leaving. Well done.

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    1. Thanks! I was trying to emulate what some others have done here on FSF, making a strong point with just a few words. I think I sometimes try to add too much to a story - I have to learn what is enough and stop there. Or, at least, try!

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  9. How sad... but very well written.

    Blessings,
    Cheryl

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    1. Thanks! I was trying to show how a fairly innocuous word can have a striking effect on another person depending upon the situation, even if it's not necessarily meant to be harmful. I suppose that something we all have to think about.

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    2. You succeeded well, KR. Very moving.

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  10. Nicely done.

    Sad because we all know how that feels.

    Cheers!
    JzB

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    1. Yes, unfortunately, I can write from experience on this one. Thanks for the comment!

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