Saturday, March 16, 2013

FSF Challenge - Paradise



This week's writing challenge from Five Sentence Fiction ( Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt "paradise."



One Final Question


Image of apple pie


Melvin swore that when he grew up he'd never be hungry again, and he'd fought hard during his few adult years to keep that promise. Now in front of him was an oval platter piled high with fried chicken, a bowl of steaming mashed potatoes covered in brown gravy, rice with red beans, a fruit pie that looked like it might be apple, a pitcher of iced tea swarming with a school of translucent lemon slices, and squares of cornbread in a basket, warm out of the oven. He took a big bite out of a chicken leg, the grease glistening on his fingers and lips, moaning in ecstasy as he slowly chewed.

"Man, this is heaven," he said after swallowing, his eyes closed to savor the flavor and bouquet. Then he turned to the priest sitting solemnly across from him in the cell and added, "Guess after what I done, this is as close as I'm gonna get, ain't it?"


© 2012-2013 K. R. Smith All rights reserved

14 comments:

  1. Oh, this was an interesting surprise ending! Well done!

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    1. The only problem was that when I was finished writing I had this incredible urge for some fried chicken. Not good for my diet...

      Thanks for reading!

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    1. Thanks!

      There were a couple of sentences I'd probably rewrite given the time, but I didn't have much of that this week!

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  3. Loved the ending! Now I want to know what he did. Great piece.

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    1. Left you hungry for more, did I? (Sorry - couldn't help myself...)

      Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't very nice. Maybe we'll find out in another FSF post!

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  4. Forget the hungry dude! I want to know what the priest did! LOL :D Great short. Really great, K.

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    1. The priest is OK! He's just there to take confession from the condemned prisoner! But that would be a great twist - to have the priest be the bad guy. I'll have to remember (steal) that idea!

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  5. Oh I loved this. The description of the meal has made me really hungry, but that last line and the twist is great. Well done.

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  6. I'm left hungry after your description of the meal, and smiling after that great ending. Great writing.

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    1. I couldn't decide which comment I liked better, so I posted both!

      Thanks!

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  7. This is excellent. Very well conceived and narrated.

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    1. Thanks! Always great to see a new reader!

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  8. Very well done, a man accepting his fate, but wanting as much as he could get first!

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