Sunday, February 3, 2013

Five Sentence Fiction Challenge - Delicate



This week's writing challenge from Five Sentence Fiction ( Lillie McFerrin Writes ) is based upon the prompt "delicate."

I was having quite a difficult time with this prompt - absolutely nothing came to mind. Then I remembered a poem I had written some years back that I believed to contain the word "delicate." I searched through my archive and found it, checking the verse to see if my memory was correct. The poem originally came about after a discussion with a young lady about forgetting birthdays and such. I had to make a few small changes to accommodate the five-sentence rule, but it is largely unchanged.

This is only my second poem for this blog, the first being a short one in my very first post and my first for the Five Sentence Fiction challenges. Sadly, it's the sort of thing that might completely destroy the reputation I was attempting to build as an evil-minded writer of horror.





When She Awakes



She will be angry when she awakes
For I have forgotten again
Some time or place of importance.

I cannot recall when we first met,
Whether day or night
Or of what season
I do not know,
But I remember the look in her eyes.

I cannot name the place where I first took her hand,
For with that one act 
My world became the delicate fingers
Within my nervous grasp,
But I remember the warmth of her touch.

I cannot say how we first kissed,
Having dreamed that kiss a thousand times
Before our lips ever met
And know not which are real,
But I remember the softness of her face.

She will be angry when she awakes
For I will only be able to smile
And she will wonder why.

                                          K. R. Smith




© 2012-2013 K. R. Smith All rights reserved

13 comments:

  1. This is beautiful, brimming with sentiment, romance and the important memories; I feel her anger won't last long once she realises. And it's good to write different genres;I'm sure your evil mind will get a chance to work its magic on another prompt. But you should be proud of this one. x

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  2. Such a beautiful poem, full of the important memories. I love how you used delicate; she is his being. I'm sure you'll have a chance for an evil minded horror plot very soon but until then, be proud of this. x

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    1. Thank you for both comments! (You can delete one if you wish - or not - I don't mind!)

      I do about a 50-50 mix of free verse vs. rhyming, but many of the rhyming poems are narrative / ballads - definitely out of favor and many are rather dark. I was fortunate to have this old poem sitting in the archive because I was drawing a real blank this week!

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  3. I thought I left a comment here, if this is a duplicate I'll delete one later.

    Quite poignant.
    It took me three reads before it hit me-the intriguing manner in which you combined the love of two senior citizens and the disease known as Alzheimer's. You've succeed in painting a picture in which the male has a lucid moment and realizes he has the disease and can no longer remember the things yu;ve mentioned. He's frustrated and frets his wife of these many years will be angry at him for not remembering, as well as his ianability to communicate the reason he's currently smiling at her,

    Would love to hear your comment about my endeavor for this same prompt.

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    1. Senior citizens? Alzheimer's?

      Really?

      Unless I have a touch of Alzheimer’s myself (always possible), I can assure you neither of these subjects were on my mind when I wrote this poem some years ago. Of course, that doesn't mean you can't interpret the story any way that seems to fit – that’s the reader’s prerogative.

      To me, it’s just a story about a man so completely taken by a woman that values the events with his love more than the specifics of what, when, and where. Unfortunately for him, she seems to feel if he can’t remember those things he doesn’t really care, which is obviously not the case. He also knows he won’t be able to explain that to her satisfaction, which is why all he’ll be able to do is give a bit of a smile.

      Since they do care for each other, I’m in hopes they work it out.

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  4. I like this very much. As a poet, I also write free verse and rhyme, finding both important and valid. I hope you check out my book, "Weeds". I also lean towards dark. Well done, here.

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    1. Thanks! I will check out your book. Using poetry for these challenges is a nice change - I'll have to give it another try when I get a suitable prompt.

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  5. This is lovely and tender. It's a nice reminder that while you men feel things, remember things, value things differently from women, you do, nevertheless, feel, remember, and value things.

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    1. Thanks! That really does describe the meaning of this poem perfectly.

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  6. Gorgeously put and even evil minds can have soft moments!
    I saw it exactly as you meant...my husband doesn't recall the exact dates (and he's not a senior citizen or anything else!?), but he can recall the feelings, and I find that more important, so I hope she does too, when she wakes!

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    1. Perhaps I do have my soft moments, but don't tell anyone!

      Thanks!

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  7. Loved it, brought tears to my eyes. And I wondered why she would be angry, but then I sometimes get angry at my husband for not showing how he feels enough, and frustrated that he struggles to show it, so maybe it reflects that for me. Really lovely. Thanks for sharing - next time you can get all evil!

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    1. Thanks! I can feel the darkness welling up inside as we speak...

      I used to write more "romantic" poetry, but for some reason have drifted away from it. Perhaps it's time to revisit those ideas.

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